DO YOU SPEAK TOURIST? TODAY: PART 2 AND THE FINAL PART – BAVARIAN

For another three days, Ischgl will still be the capital of Bavaria (then their Bamps* have to go back to Schui**). Which means it’s definitely the right time to explain at least a couple of those strange words they keep using. So that we can understand each other properly, and the Grattla*** will come back again. We’re not Zipflklatscher**** after all.

 

Schnabulieren, das

When the Bavarians schnabulieren something, they munch it. Mostly an animal, or more accurately, what remains of it. The type of animal is usually irrelevant. Which is why the rumour persists that the main reason beavers are all but extinct in southern Germany is because Bavarian monks declared the creatures were fish so they could be eaten on fast days, too.

Tschampsterer, der

It’s best not to come across a Tschampsterer at home, if possible, at least not in our own four walls. Because this is what a Bavarian calls a lover – and the fact that the word is somehow redolent of champagne is surely just a coincidence.

Muhackl, der

… if you push your way too quickly down the piste, don’t be surprised if you hear this word flying in your face. Muhackl is used by the Bavarians to describe a rude or loutish person. And you really don’t want to be one of those. (Unless you bump into the tschampsterer, Ed.).

Moralischer, der

… this is not a phenomenon you come across very often on a skiing holiday, but in Munich you do. Long past midnight, at least, when closing time is approaching and you’re pondering whether the past few hours were really necessary.

Aafdouderer, der

An Aafdouderer could definitely have played a part in reaching a moralischer. This is how Bavarians describe a bottle opener. So if a Bavarian asks at the bar, “can you give me an Aafdouderer”, there’s no need to turn away offended. And you don’t need to bring him loo paper, either.

Ananas, die

If he’s asking for an “Ananas”, you really shouldn’t bring him a pineapple (which is what it means in Austria) to the bar. The Bavarian is actually asking for a strawberry. For whatever reason.

Bawalatschn, die

If a Bavarian packs his car on a Sunday, sets out towards Munich and has tied his skis onto the roof in a weird sort of way, then you can impress him by calling after him: “Hey, what kind of a Bawalatschn is that!” That’s what Bavarians call a makeshift solution.

Beißzange, die

A Beißzange is not normally a makeshift solution. It is also not a tool (although maybe it is, but that would be going too far now). A Beißzange is what the Bavarians call a mean and nasty woman (sadly, we don’t know what they call a mean and nasty man).

bockboanig

That mean and nasty man is usually bockboanig anyway. It means stubborn. (There are people who think that that applies to all Bavarians, not just the mean and nasty ones).

Danzbesn, der

Someone who is certainly not bockboanig – although they do make good use of their legs – is the Danzbesn. A Danzbesn is someone who loves dancing, and dances a lot. It sounds like a “dance broom” – so someone who jumps up on the bar to DJ Ötzi in the heat of the moment should then logically be called a Danzfetzn (dance duster) or a Danzwettex (dance dishcloth). We unfortunately couldn’t verify this before the editorial deadline, however.

Doggder, der

What’s for sure is that every now and again the Danzbesn, Danzfetzn and Danzwettex have an accident. They have a fall. And then sometimes they have to go to the Doggder. Which is a doctor, not a bulldog.


*children
**school
***this is the term Bavarians used to use for Tyroleans, and not in a nice way
****idiots